Tomorrow is the completely unnecessary blood pregnancy test. It is unnecessary because I already took a test at home yesterday (negative) and today have cramps that tell me AF is imminent. The disappointment is setting in and I am sure when the nurse calls to tell me the obvious tomorrow I will not be in the best of spirits.
This past cycle looked so good on paper that even though I made efforts not to get carried away with optimism, I couldn’t help but think that this could be the cycle. I had 2 great follicles at trigger time, one 22mm (HUGE!) and one 18mm. I did everything right, or so I thought. I can’t help but wonder if major stressors at the office sabotaged my month.
The BFN (big fat negative) always makes me think of all the things that I will miss out on as a mom. In months past it has been that I won’t have a baby to spend the summer with at home, I won’t be a mom in time for my 29th birthday, I won’t have a baby to be thankful for in November and the most recent realization that there will be no baby toys under the Christmas tree. 2011 will remain baby free and that sucks.
At the moment I just want my period to come so I can get started again with the Clomid circus. Maybe we are meant to have a New Year’s baby?
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